"If religion was that cool, there would be no atheists."

My family watches Hellsing Ultimate:

"He just said freak in English! How come? Is there a Japanese word for freak?"
"Gaijin?"

"It's great how the Japanese seem to be under the impression that Christianity gives you superpowers."

"Man, if Edward Cullen and Alucard ever met, Edward would be so dead."
"Alucard would eat Edward."
"Alucard would mock Edward comprehensively, then eat him."
"Like a dumpling."

"Man, Anderson is so happy."
"He likes his job."
"Alucard's pretty happy, too!"
"He's a happy guy."
"I bet they'll get along. Two happy guys like them."

"BIBLE TELEPORT."
"Well, every bible does that."

"That guy's talking abut being cool! He has a bow in his hair! He's not allowed to talk about cool!"

"So in Hellsing, even the butler's a badass?"
"He's Alfred!"
"The butler did it."

"Why is Seras even there?"
"She's a secondary badass in case Alucard's busy."
"Also because the rules of fighting Alucard are you lose."

"BEHOLD MY TRUE FORM AND DESPAAAAAAIR! ...Wow, I wasn't expecting him to actually do that."

"Look at that guy's hair! What mercenary has such a long, glorious braid?"

"Seras has the Poke of Doom."

"Enjoy Integra's fetching hat!"
"It is a pretty fetching hat."

"NAZIS."
"So it's Christian vampire-hunting Nazis with magic powers and guns. Excellent."

"This needs more electric guitars."

"I like to call this episode The Brazilian Police and their Very Bad Day."